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Dec. 21, 2021

Glimpses of Gratefulness: Juggling Roles (Transcript)

Glimpses of Gratefulness: Juggling Roles (Transcript)


You may or may not be aware that I used to record a different podcast called First Do No Harm. It was one that really focused on spreading kindness and understanding about issues that were not easy. They were not fun. They would often get me emails full of hatred. But, here I am on the ADHD podcasts now that are really focused on and kind of nailed down.

But on that other podcast, First Do No Harm I used to have a mini series (if you will) called On The Road Ramblings. And recently I've been thinking that while I mostly put out an episode every week, which is really great for me (and for you, if you enjoy listening to this podcast) that maybe I could do something similar one or two times a week. Because those of us with ADHD- it's really, really difficult for us to always be grateful in a sense. Not that we're unhappy people, not that we are just looking for the worst case scenario, but it's not very hard to understand that the world feels heavy to us, that there's a lot of difficulties that we go through in just existing. And while I am pretty busy (just like you are) I thought I might just take the opportunity and record something similar, but something with gratitude, something that can help you look around and recognize the greatness that is YOU. There's not going to be a lot of tips and tricks and takeaways, but just something for you to think about and for you to realize about you as you're getting ready to go to work or go to school, or even if it's something for you to think   about whenever you're trying to go to sleep at night.

Let me know if you like this series and then I will make sure that it's something maybe a bonus episode that happens every week. That's simple. You're going to hear background noise as I'm driving safely to work and recording this at the same time. And if you don't like it, that's okay. That's no big deal either. It's not very hard to not record episodes when I am first awake in the world is quiet and I don't have a lot of thoughts throughout the day that I just have the rawness of what I'm carrying around.

I don't know about you, but, around this time of the year, my email will just be crammed with people telling me to "be more grateful." And there have been times where I haven't always felt like I had a ton to be grateful about people on our social media will invite us to participate in, in gratitude challenges. Really, who has time for that?

And our Instagram feeds are full of curated pictures, followed by hashtags, like #grateful,  #blessed or #givethanks. It's a lot of pressure, isn't it? I mean, if you have ADHD, you know, we're going a million miles a minute. We feel like we're perpetually herding cats or children and dealing with all of these things with ADHD, imposes on our families and one of the last things that we have is for gratefulness.

That just feels phony. That's also how scheduled gratitude can feel for a lot of people. Phony. Can you relate to that at all? And yet we hands down know that living with a grateful mindset results in happier people. I was going to do an actual podcast on that because I try every day to write down three things that I'm grateful for. Normally my mom being here with me today is at the top of my list. Then it may be trickled with something like coworkers that feel like family or a job that I do well. But as I started reading the research, it was kind of scattered all over the place. Because when I tell you that I do the research, I don't mean that I read an article that said gratitude is good for your mental health.

And then I read another article that said, Nah, not really. It's actual through medical journals research. I had a lot of opposing views, so I don't like posting things that I can't measure and that I can't truly prove that that is a positive outcome, because if I say it to you it's because it has been proven most recently.

Regardless of what the science says, (which you will never hear me say that in real life about evidence-based practice) but regardless of what the science says about gratitude, it is a good habit for you to appreciate if nothing else yourself and for you to be able to look and to see the good things that you are doing, because we so often don't. We're modest people and all we see is that to do list in front of us. And if we don't do every single one of the things on the to-do list, then we likely feel like a failure. And I just want us to have this moment to have this time in the mornings at night for 10 or 15 minutes to just remind ourselves how good of a job we really are doing.

So today's episode of Glimpses of Gratefulness I want you to think, and I want you to realize that during this season, (it is Christmas season) I don't know, financially, if you are struggling to do all the things for your family, for your children. There's so much responsibility and pressure that is on us. And again, that can be overwhelming by itself, but then you throw an ADHD brain on top of it and it feels like you're drowning in mud. That it's so hard because you can't please every person. And while you're trying to please every person, even if every person tells you that you're doing a wonderful job, the pressure makes you think that you actually aren't.

You're wondering if they're being truthful to you. Are they saying that just because they're your family member or did you have a tough 2021 because of the pandemic or because of anything that happened? And so maybe you don't have the finances to do all the things that you wish that you could. So you're trying the best that you can and you still just feel like it's not enough.

I want you to hear me say this. I want you to repeat this to yourself, and then I want you to start thinking about how this is true when describing you. "I'm doing well when juggling so many roles." Okay. And say it with me, especially if you're alone in your car, in your bathroom, brushing your teeth. Talk through the foam of your toothpaste.

"I am doing well when juggling so many roles." You don't see it to you? Stop for just a second. And I want you to think, what are the roles that you're juggling right now? Are you a mom? Are you a dad? Are you a student? Do you go to work? Do you have animals that you take care of? Are you just a person who has to get out of bed most days?

What is your role? What are the things that you do that people depend on you, including yourself? I'm willing to bet you probably have more than one.

Now mentally make a list of the things you do in those roles. And as you check through that list, you accomplish goals in each one of those roles. Again, if the only thing or person that you take care of in general is just getting yourself out of bed, putting food in your stomach- those are tasks. Those are things that you have to juggle on the really tough days.

And now that we're in Christmas season, do you not only go to work? For example, I go to work, but yet I have to please in-laws at the same time , who make it feel like I'm a failure because I didn't do enough. I didn't jump high enough. I didn't go through the hoops that they set up for me to go through.

But when I really stop and think about it, you know what I was on the road and I traveled 20 hours round trip to go make someone happy instead of being at home with my mom at her home who has cancer. And I hope she's here next year, but she might not be. I made a sacrifice for people. In that role I did something good for someone else.

That was a gift that I gave them. And if they received it with gratitude and thankfulness, then that's wonderful, but they didn't. And you know what, that's not on me. Their unhappiness is not because of any lack of effort on my part. You are juggling a lot of roles right now, and however, that is received by other people that doesn't belong to you.

You do the best that you can. You keep your head above water. And that is enough to be proud of.

Keep doing the great work that you're doing.

Celebrate your small victories.

And if no one else tells you this today, even if you don't tell yourself this today, I'm really proud of you. Keep going. I believe in you.